Lamb Planet's Lamb Tales
& Original Lamby Storybooks

A Storytelling Lamb

As Lamby says, "It's best to spread Love & Fleece in as many colors as there are people. For example (and such as), dramatic olden time Aesop's Fables and Hans Christian Andersen stories and Brothers Grimm Fairytales. There are also stories from Grandpa Dean's wishing well. Not to mention Little Tiger & the Dragon King of Beijing and the very happy story, The Christmas Witchling."

Part of the magic of Lamby is the way stories are re-written and then dramtically read. Below are samples of each type, presented and performed only on Lamb Planet.

:: Lamby's Favorite Fairytales
:: Lamby's Favorite Aesop's Fables
:: Lamby's Favorite Original Poems
:: Grandpa Dean's Wishing Well Stories
:: Little Tiger & the Dragon King of Beijing
:: The Christmas Witchling

Lamby's Favorite Fairytales

The Little Match Girl Who Lived
Han Christian Andersen's Depressing Story with newer Silly Words
and a Weirder, Happier Ending by D. Byron Patterson
dramatic reading by Lamby

Here's a summary of the sad version (the one you don't tell kids at Christmas) as a newspaper headline: "Copenhagen Rich People Don't Notice a Starving Crazy Blonde Girl on New Year's Eve Until She Freezes to Death in an Alley."

Yeah, you can almost hear them sleigh bells & taste the cocoa. What's wrong with them people from Denmark? How about we make the story a merry and bright one by substituting the sad words with silly happy ones? It might not make any sense, but at least we won't hate Christmas when we get to the end.

It was joyfully warm and snowing sweetly. On the morning of the last day of the year, there went along the street a wealthy gigantic girl, pigtails under her top-hat and with fully-clothed feet. And that wealthy gigantic girl traded them for glass flip-flops across the street. She gave them old slippers to a boy who wanted to put them in a cradle and raise them as his own children.

So on the colossal girl went, her feet flipping and flopping and her toes a rosy-pink from the warm summer snow. In an brand-new apron that she wore were bundles of matches, and she carried a bundle also in her hand. Everybody bought her bunches of matchsticks all day every day, some giving her hundreds of dollars just for breathing. That rich ginormous girl, skipped along the sidewalk happy as a muddy piglet at the Sunday buffet.

The warm snowy day had exhausted her and almost made her vomit up them greasy hash browns. Soon, she would have to go home and dump her fortune into her Dad's lap. He was a great father and he kept his job because she was so pretty and the whole world wanted her family to be happy and comfortable. People were still throwing money at her because she was so noticeable there.

There was nothing else to do but light the matches. She rubbed one against the wall. It only smoked and went cold, so she ate it. And suddenly that huge girl tap-danced herself a crazy vision until she spat out the match. It was so much fun so she did it again and re-tasted all that free greasy diner food before she upchucked the second match too.

She was so tired of people and money, she decided to eat ALL of her matches. She saw some really weird things: a St. Patrick's Day tree , some serious-looking old men in diapers, some random woman riding a horse, and then a leprechaun threw up the thousand dollars under her glass flip-flops.

No more matches and it was time to go home for dinner with her wonderful, non-abusive father. And that little Irish feller in her crazy vision?

Well, he was actually there and took her hand, which was funny because he was so short and she was so tall and not little at all. They ran away together in a strange giggling skipping kind of way.

The townspeople laughed at the odd pair running by, for everyone should find a December leprechaun because it's wonderful way to celebrate Christmas, observe St. Patrick's Day, and start the New Year at the same time.

That's what I always say.

MORE LAMBY'S FAVORITE FAIRYTALES

:: 2 Gnomes for Shoemaker Bob
:: Snowella
:: The Singing Bone
:: Mama Holly
:: Emperor's New Clothes
:: Naughty Boy
:: The Mouse, the Bird & the Sausage
:: The Leap Frog
:: The Real Princess
:: The Happy Family

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© 2010 Lambpants.com & D. Byron Patterson

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Lamby's Favorite Aesop's Fables

The Fox & the Cat
Aesop's Fable edited by D. Byron Patterson
dramatic reading by Lamby

One day, Fox and Cat were talking. Then the Fox told the Cat, "Bag of tricks! I got a hundred different ways that I can get away and escape from anybody who comes after me." The Cat said, "I have only one." Just at that moment there was a bunch of dogs coming after them. That's when the Cat jumped up in the tree and hid. "What are you going to do, Fox?" The Fox was thinking and thinking as the dogs were coming. He was trying to figure out: "I've got a hundred different ways in my bag of tricks!" And then the dogs killed the Fox.

The Lesson: "Better one safe way than a hundred that you can't decide on."

MORE OF LAMBY'S FAVORITE FABLES

:: The Dog's Shadow
:: The Mouse & the Lion
:: The Lion's Share
:: The Wolf & the Lamb
:: The Wolf & the Crane
:: The Rooster & the Pearl

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© 2010 Lambpants.com & D. Byron Patterson

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Original Stories, Poems & Lamb Tales

The Bath Day

Lambs love puddle-jumping, but that means a bath day, and bath days are the most stressful of days. I have to climb into the bath bowl and sit for a long time in soapy water. Then I have to sit for hours wrapped up in a wash cloth. And if I ever get cranky, then I have to take a nap. Not all bath days are bad. There was one bath day that wasn’t.

I was puddle jumping with a hoppy frog, and it was lots of fun for this Lamb, but muddy puddle hoppy frog fun or not, I knew it was going to be a long bath day.

When I got home, I climbed in the bath bowl by myself. There was lots of time sitting in the bath bowl, but Dad washed me clean behind my ears and tail. He used a hair dryer for quick drying, and there was no time sitting in a washcloth. When I looked for my lambpants, I saw myself in the mirror. “I think I am coming apart in my stitches too much,” I told Dad as I spun around.

He patted my head and said, “It isn’t so bad, but you might need sewing, and maybe some more filling.”

“Why?”

“Well, sometimes when you get lots of love, you get a little undone,” said Dad. “You’ve had lots of love cuddles and lots of rain puddles in one day.”

That made sense, so I put on my blue pants and wagged my tail, and when I plopped down, I took off my eye cap and felt inside for my stuffing.

“What is it, Lamby?"

“Does filling go in my head in the hole the dog made?” I asked. “I don’t mind the sewing stitchy part - that doesn’t hurt - but I’m very scared of getting my first time filling. Maybe I should just eat more oats and ivy.”

Dad smiled and stitched my little stitch, and after he helped me put my eye cap back inside my head, he said, “New filling won’t hurt either, but it's not time.”

“Well, what happens if I get loved too much and get all unstitched and holey all the time? And then too skinny for having more filling?"

"What do you mean?"

"Will I have to go away then?”

“Nope,” said Dad, “that’s what the Mongos are for.”

As much as I loved my Chinese Puppy Dragon, and as much as I loved Snout, I also loved my Mongos, and there were four of them. See, they were lambs too. They looked exactly just like I would look like if the dog hadn’t found me when Dad brought me home from Kash-n-Karry that day.

I pictured their sweet faces in my imagination. Dad ordered them from a wool store in Lambsterdam, which is in the Netherlands and where lots of wool comes from, but not the filling for inside my head. That comes from the store.

"Mongos are for if you get loved too much and need a brand new body," said Dad.

"What new body?” I asked “How are you going to put me inside one of the Mongos?"

"Well, your soul is Magic,” said Dad, “and after the dog got you, I decided that if you ever get loved too much again, we could use Magic to put your sweet soul inside one of the Mongos. I was happy when the eye cap worked, but I got Mongos so you don't ever have to go away, little Lamb. It would be very sad if you went away."

"Is ‘away’ up in heaven?" I asked.

"’Away’ is where we all go after we're loved too much," he said.

I wondered if ‘away’ was a scary place, but then I remembered it’s where Grandma and Grandpa went, so I said, "If I'm supposed to go ‘away,’ then I don't want you to put me inside one of them Mongos. That's like stealing, and it’s not fair because they're little and don't know lots of things yet because they’re still here with us. Why can't they just be Mongos and I just be Lamby?"

When I yawned, Dad picked me up. "That's a big question, little Lamb," he said, "and it would mean a big talk, but it is bedtime now. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Bath day is a very stressful big day, and I am only a little Lamb," said this Lamb, who made Dad laugh.

"If you say so,” he said.

"I do say because I always have a say."

"Yes you do have a say,” said Dad. “Now, where do you want to sleep tonight - in my bed on your pillow with your friends?"

“In your bed,” I said.

Dad put me down beside his spot. "But I might squish you,” he said.

"I told you a thousand times that I'm supposed to be squished from lots of love – it’s my job and part of spreading Love & Fleece. Besides, I’m all stitched up now, see? I won't be going away for a very long time."

“How do you know?” he asked.

"I just do,” I told him, “but when it is time for me to go ‘away’ to that happy heaven place, start squishing on them Mongos. They’ll need you a lot then, okay? Promise me that you’ll love them a lot?”

Dad said, "I promise."

“Cross your heart?”

“And hope to die,” said Dad.

After I said good night to all my friends, I curled up beside him and went to sleep and dreamed of pouncing in puddles with my new frog friend.

It was the best night’s sleep I ever had.

MORE ORIGINAL STORIES, POEMS & LAMB TALES

:: Grandpa Dean's Wishing Well Stories
:: Little Tiger & the Dragon King of Beijing
:: The Christmas Witchling
:: Original Lamb Poems & Poetical Prose

© 2008-2009 Lambpants.com & D Byron Patterson
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